I have received a very large increase in traffic lately, due to posts I
wrote. It has caused quite an emotional rollercoaster for me because of the
negative comments and opinions that have been directed toward me. After much
thought, I have decided to make a statement:
The Inklings of Life is MY blog. It is a
place where I can vent, express my opinions, share my advice and my life
stories. I stand behind every single post I have posted, and every word of
every post. I don't expect everyone to agree with everything I have to say.
That's what makes life so interesting- diversity. But, if you have ventured
onto my blog looking to berate me or my readers, then keep on clicking- that
behavior is not tolerated here. If my blog is not for you, then simply move on
and find one better suited for you. I can tell you now, I won't lose sleep over
the fact that you aren't here. The people who understand my words, and
appreciate what I have to say, even if they don't always agree with me, are the
ones who are meant to be here, and it's those people who I will continue to
write to, continue to entertain, continue to respect, and continue to protect.
But I will say that I don't spend my time sitting around, waiting for
comments to moderate; I do have a life. So, if your comment doesn't make it
through immediately, it's probably because I'm spending time with my family, or
enjoying with friends.
For those who have been with me for the last 2 years (or 1 year, or 1
month, or 1 week, but you feel at home here), thank you. You all have become a
family for me, and have helped me create a space where I am comfortable sharing
my thoughts, my goals, my downfalls, my insecurities, and a place where you can
share your own, through comments on my posts, or by emailing me directly.
For those who want to leave comments berating me or calling me names, I
have to wonder where your time would be better spent, because, as far as I'm concerned.
No one has a gun held to your head, demanding you read my blog. No one
is telling you to take time out of your busy life to tell me that I'm a
*%#^&@%^&$%#. And to be quite honest, no one who reads this blog on a regular basis will care what you have to say. So, if your
opinion of me or my writing is that strong, then by all means, start your own
blog and share your opinion there.
I will continue to post that are written from my heart, no matter what
the topic. Through all of the strife caused by one particular post I wrote over
a year ago, I have received great advice from many family members and friends.
My favorites have been:
If you pissed someone off with your writing,
then you must have done something right.
No publicity is bad publicity.
And the one I have taken to heart the most:
For every person who disagrees with what you
say, there is another person there who appreciates the fact that you said it,
and will not only continue to read your blog, but share it with their friends.
The haters will go away and find something else to hate, but the people who are
meant to find you, will, and they'll be happy to stay.
This is why I write to help make sense of the chaotic world around me,
and inside of me, and to help find others going through the same thing. And
this is exactly why I will continue to write.
Today let me tell you one more incident happened today ….. Take it as my confession or just a post.
Talking to a friend today, over phone, something
unusual happened. I won’t get into the details, but the bottom line is: I
realize how I lost him and many other friends that I once used to have.
Something happened last year that changed me completely as a person. After that
incident, I was no longer the sweet, caring person that I was. I stopped caring
about several things that were of utmost importance to me once.
Incidentally, that incident collided with the
starting of my Blog “myheartreviews” and my status in my facebook profile.
After that, my “friends” thought of my changed behavior as something like a
by-product of the little fame I started to get. They took my careless attitude
towards everything as arrogance. No one cared enough to find out exactly why I
was like this. Instead, they chose to ignore me, hate me about how mean I am.
But remember, I don’t care? I had other things
to take care of. Unpleasant things and so, slowly, the distance crept in. And I
didn’t care. I was too busy writing silly post on my blog to keep myself
engaged and away from things I didn’t want to, and wasn’t capable of dealing
with.
And today, I realize that the distance now is
too much to be filled. I’ve lost them, and I’ve lost them for good. They liked
the boy I was. They hate the boy I am. I have been told these things, in
very clear words, coming from their mouths, more than once.
I want to tell them, and I know they are reading
this, that it’s not like I’m not sweet anymore. It’s just that I have chosen a
set of people to whom I’ll be so. Some of them appreciate it; most of them
don’t give a shit. But then, it’s not a lifetime deal, is it? I’ll realize when
the limit is and I will stop. And they won’t even notice.
Anyway, back to the point now. Who’d wake
up nights for me? When I ask myself this question I often used to think
about before, I feel nothing but sadness. I’ll do a lot of things for a lot of
people. Lot of things I don’t tell other people I’m doing because they’ll tell
me what the truth is: I’m being used. But I can’t help it. I’m kind of incapable
of thinking rationally. I have two extremes: Either I can be exceptionally
sweet to someone, or I can be exceptionally rude to them. And there is nothing
in between.
I love them, and I’ll do anything for them. But
will I get the same treatment that they get from me? Will they do the same
things for me? Will they do even half of it for me? Even 10%? No, they won’t.
No one will.
Who’d wake up nights for me? No one And I
might pretend that I don’t care, but the truth is: I do. Everyone does. I
just try to ignore all that and keep myself busy, writing some more stupid post
about my feelings and experiences. Truth is hard to face.
P.S: I sometimes feel jealous of people I am
sweet too. I wish someone treated me like that.
