My College Crush (Part-2)

On 15^th September, 2006…. We had a function (CREATIVITY 2k6) on an occasion of Engineers’ Day which was arranged by ISTE members and she was also one of them, there I performed in a painting competition and I got 1^st position.

In the end what I saw…

Divya, with an orange suit salwar… coming towards me without any smile; I was just scared “What happened?”

What did I wrong?

As she stands beside me, she smiled…..

Seemed like a dream for me, and she said “Congrats! You got 1^st position”

“Your drawing is too good”

After hearing these words I was just blank like a dumb. This was the first conversation we had….

I said, “Thank you”

I want resume the conversation but I was afraid of something as I was a shy guy at that time.

As she left, my heart was pounding like anything! And I was regretting why I didn’t say something more……

The 3rd semester was approaching and there was a building pressure of a vast syllabus to complete, a future to think of...

The first year batch had just entered our college... I envied their carefree days... They didn't have a decision to make as yet… I came into this field because I didn't get into a medical college and I didn't intend to spend my precious year to attempt it again… Sometimes I wished I had been more patient… Maybe I would have got to live my dream... The years in college passed in jiffy... I now valued the comfort and security of those years... I felt lost in a vast sea of career choices... My friends had been an integral part of my life here... The best ones I made here... Now we were all heading different directions... I often wondered what life would be like after the last semester and as the answer was getting clearer, I dreaded it...

I was sitting with my friends in the canteen, aware of the stares and silent whispers from the first years... They were mostly loud and immature... Always shouting over the top... My classmates were checking out the new girls... Their last attempt at experiencing a college romance... There was none I was interested in... They all seemed the same to me... I was not looking forward to any link ups... The last year I intended to live the most of my carefree time...

It was a Saturday night and I had been with my friend “Sandeep Singh Sohi”.. I went back home and logged on the internet. I opened my facebook accounts... I rarely opened it and when I did I was flooded with notifications, status updates, tags, friends request ( I usually accepted them without even checking who I accepted) and began checking the thing..(I first made myself invisible to avoid all those who jumped on my chat list to chat).

There was a message in my inbox... Divya... The name did ring a bell... I opened her message... read it.

“jai Shree Krishna”

"Hi.. m Divya.. met u in colg if u remember..

I sent her a reply...

"Hi Divya... ofcourse I remember u that’s y I sent u the friend req. (I can't recollect the words to carry on the conversation.)

Immediately I got another message from her.. God!! She was awake at one in the night...

"ok J..but I can't c u online... "

So I went online  ... She was there... Her profile picture was “Radha Krishna ji”...
we started chatting...

Divya: Hi

Me: Hi

Divya: So u come online at this time always?

Me: No, was out today.. came home now so..

Divya: ohh ok.. Where do you stay?

Me: Ludhiana n u?

Divya: Basically I’m from Himachal, but use to stay in Hostel!!

Me: Ohhh I c

Divya: Your name seems you are Bengali…

Me: Yes! I’m ….but I’m brought up in Ludhiana…

Divya: Bhalo! hehehehe

Me: Can u give me your cell number?

Divya: uhhhmmmm naaah! Not now later! You will always find me right here..

Divya: I’ve to go now…. I was getting sleepy... See u in college..

Jai Shree Krishna!

Me: Okay!

My last thought was... Divya! Divya! Divya!

The wait so long...

It had been 3 months since I first chatted to her... When she said "see you in college", I thought she would also make an effort to meet me. But nothing like that happened... We were still strangers... I kept waiting for lunch time to start, then her to leave the classroom for hostel, always hoping she would notice me... It was disheartening to know that I was just a nameless face in the small crowd for her.

I kept texting her.. Sending offliners.. Waiting long hours for her to come online.. Practically all day I was online... I was losing sleep and interest in other things...

By the end of the first month, I knew her timetable by heart... When my classes left early, I waited till her class ended so that I could see her for sometime... I was always longing to see her...

So I decided to find her contact no. And in the end I got her contact no. from one source.

I sent a text on her cell….

Me: “Jai Shree Krishna”

Divya: who’s this?

Me: I said, “ kiran from ludhiana, creativity 2k6, painting.”

Divya: ohhh, how did you get my no.?

Me: I’m sorry! You never use to b online and I was desperate to have a word with you. Even I can’t see you in college. I’m sorry for it.

Divya: J It’s ok! kiran

We exchanged some texts.. However long my questions, she always managed to answer in one word...

One day out of the blue, she texted me...

Divya: Hey kiran, I want to see who you are.. I can’t recall ur face. Let’s meet!

(oh F*ck!)

I texted her back..

Me: Yes, sure...

Next day when she was in front of me….

I couldn't make out what she was thinking... Her eyes didn't give out anything...

I was tongue tied for sometime...

"Hi... hi Divya" Saying out her name itself was thrilling.

She smiled and said," Hi "

Again I was blank and she said, “Bye I have to leave. I have some assignment to do.”

 "Ok.. ok.. Nice meeting you". She gave me a handshake.. She made me nervous... I ran back to my class and kept smiling.. Here I was waiting for her to meet me all these days and when she finally did, I couldn't stand there for more than 2 minutes.. Hopelessly attracted to her I was.. My legs were shaking...

The days that followed were of restlessness.. I would wait at the bus as she use to come to see off her friend.. She always use to give me a cute smile and that was it.. An occasional "hi" and sometimes "bye" that was all she said. It wasn't getting any further.. My self confidence began to slump.. I waited at my window to sometimes see her going hostel.. Se was occupying all my attention and draining my energy...

It was more than 7-8 months still we were not even close to being "good friends". She didn't like me and it was getting apparent. She was sweet and that was probably why she was acting good to me...

I decided that I would give up on her.. It hurt but I didn't want to be perceived as a desperate one.. Yes I wanted her badly but I had to behave with dignity...

I engaged myself with friends...

Slowly the hours on net became less.. I began to get good sleep.. I stopped waiting for her at the bus stop.. Hardly ever came on the window.. My days were now productive.. I even started liking my study course...

I saw her often in the library.. I never went near her.. Sometimes she saw me and smiled and I too smiled back...

The year 2011 was about to end.. I was living my life again... With a new sense of self confidence...

"If it lasts more than 7-8 months, then it isn't called a crush.... It's love... :)"

Was I truly in love with Divya?

One day ISTE members called me to make some poster. There she was…

I knew that story can't finish here......

She come to me and said,” Hi, how are you”?

Me: I’m fine! N u?

And she sat beside me…. And here the conversation begins…

To see what going to b happen????

Wait for next PART….

(To be continued)

My College Crush (Part-1)

Here the Story begins...

It was the first day of my (B.Tech) degree college. We had strength of 480 students. 120 students in each branch. At that time everyone knows the other atleast by the face if not the name.

I had no idea what I was doing in a college like this one. There was not a single face I knew. Everyone in class had pretty much formed a group on the first day itself. I sat with a few groupless ones who had started to bore in 10 minutes of sane conversation. I wished I had taken up courses which my other friends had taken. Atleast I would have had company. Someone suggested we take a round of the college and as reluctant I was to leave my seat (as I was a shy guy at that time); I didn't want to be left alone to my hopelessness. I went around the campus.

The college doesn't have that much area but it is planned cleverly. It’s amazing how one can get lost in a college that small. I just asked aloud," Where is the library?" when I got a reply

"Go downstairs and you would find it on the left side"

I looked back to where the voice came from and I saw her.

She was tall, beautiful girl in white Suit salwar with colorful dupatta and her face beamed with some unsaid enthusiasm. Politeness was the first thing I liked about her (other than the looks ofcourse).

I very meekly said," Thanks"

She asked," Are you from EC 1 batch?"

(Well she must have noticed already…)

I looked around (foolish I know, but somehow I couldn't hold on to his gaze) and then replied "yeah and you?"

"EC 2 batch... uhmm… "

(ghosh!! I know it's a four year course... did she find me that dumb?)

"What's your name? “She asked.

"kiran Chatterjee (kashyap)" I said..

I wonder if she will remember it… It doesn't look like as it is a girl name)

(She Smiled)

Before I ask her, she introduced herself "I m Divya, from EC-2 Batch"

All I said was, "Oh"

God!! Why was I acting so unusually dumb??

She walked back to her class. I kept repeating her name,"Divya, Divya, Divya". I couldn't suppress my smile… kiran... First day of college and you already have a crush! College is not going to be so much of a torture now…

The next few days of college were boring as ever and I kept thinking of her... I didn't know her last name... I had searched her on facebook only to turn up with no result… or rather thousands of result!! Whenever in college my eyes kept searching for her.

For a few days there was no sign of her. I attended all days in college. Each day started with the same thought," Will I able to see her today?"

For the first time, our classes lasted long enough to have a lunch break. I had made two friends (Kanwar & Mayank) by then. We went for lunch in the canteen which was just good to sit in. The food was nowhere near the delicacies. (Yeah I still ached for that yummy food)

I was seated in a far corner of the canteen and she was there... I strained my eyes to have a better look and to confirm it was really her... Yes, it was she… The beautiful as she was, she was with two friends.

I went up to the counter to have a close look at her and she looked at me... No hint of recognition… She stared just blankly and then went back to the conversation she was having with her friends. It hurt... I didn't expect her to start any conversation but the least she could do was give a friendly smile… Agreed I didn't smile either but I was scared that If she doesn't smile back, it would be a shame in front of her friends.

Days rolled by and I often spotted her with her friend in library... I used to secretly stare at her and many times she did look at me but I knew she didn't remember me...

I looked up the list of EC (Electronics & Communication) Branch students and found out she was Divya Sharma... I found her out on facebook with a picture of “Radha Krishna ji”and sent her a friends request... Then begun the wait.....

(To be continued)

P.S:- People from college please don’t get any ideas!!!!

A Phone Call - Turning Point of my life

It was --/--/20--, 9:13pm (Date I can’t mention)

I was working on my laptop. Just an hour of work left and I could go to bed in peace. I had been denying my friends for drinks. I was not in a mood even to drink today. This new project had put a toll on me.

I was done with my work when I thought of checking my previous email Id. I had a feeling since morning that I was forgetting something about today. Maybe my old yahoo Id could give me the answer. There were some 599 mails! I didn't remember when was the last time I checked it. Anyway Yahoo had some serious spam issues. In the first two pages I couldn't find anything important and assumed that the rest were useless as well. I was about to open the spam box my friend called me, "come soon". I shut down my PC, stood up and stretched myself. I was thinking about today. I told my friends to wait, let me charge my phone and be back.

As I joined my friends, my phone rang. I let it ring. I heard the shower running. One of my friend had gone for a shower. The phone rang once again. It was an unknown number. I answered the call.

"Hello"
           No voice from the other end. Who would think of giving blank calls!!
           "Hellooo" this time I raised my voice.
           "Hello" said a feeble female tone.
           "Yes, who is this?"
           “Name that can’t mention" she sighed almost leaving a cry.

I felt myself getting weak.

"*******" (Let’s take a random name) I whispered.

"I missed you kashyap" she said in that soft voice which could make me do anything!

I felt myself losing control. My weakness gave way to anger. I had once wanted only one chance to talk to her and today when she had called I didn't know what to say!

"Why you call me!" I tried to get angry but failed. Somewhere it still hurt to shout at her.

"Kashyap, I m.. I m really sorry. "
           "Sorry! That's all you say after all that you did year back?"
           "A 2 years kashyap.. 2 years and 4 hours back. I have been counting." she murmured.

"kashyap I want to see you. Take it as my last wish."

"What?? Where are you ?" I couldn't stop worrying.
            "At home. Please kashyap meet me once." she pleaded.

I asked her why you want me to meet?

What happened? She was crying and said “nothing just want to see you and want to tell you something that you don’t know.”

I agreed to meet her. As I kept down the receiver I realized my eyes were moist.

I went back to my friends who were angry. I pacified them.

"Sorry yaar, very tired" I muttered.

My friends were furious at my behavior.

In all these years she hadn't bothered about me then why was she remembering me today? I had forgotten the tragedy which brought into my life but today she reminded me the pain again.

Should I meet her?

But I didn’t meet her.

Few Months Later…

 

When I tried to call her… but for she didn’t pick my call.

One day she picked my call and said “Hey, kashyap how are you?

I said,” I’m ok! And I’m coming to meet you! Then she said no need… I’m already married.

First tell me one thing why you use to think that you are always right? Did you ever try to understand me? (She was sobbing and said ok! Leave it! Take care… bye!)

After hearing that thing, I can’t say anything to her.

Just said, “Ok! Take care"

And she Hung up....

                                 ***THE END***

An Open Letter to Everyone Under Age 25...

What is happening to teenagers (or boys & girls below age of 25) I wonder… Are they losing their mind?????

To every teenager (or boys & girls below age of 25) who views this post I hope it makes u think for a second and do change things which that should be changed....

ONLY ONE INTENTION IN MY HEART IS TO TRY TO ATLEAST HELP....

1.Why are you so scared to be alone?
2. Why are you desperate of having a boyfriend/ girlfriend?
3. Why are you just choosing boyfriends/ girlfriends because you don’t want to be alone??
4. TRUE LOVE EXIST?
5. Why changing bf/gf for each weeks or months....??
6.........................................................................


ASK ALL THESE QUESTION TO YOURSELF... DIFFERENT ANSWERS from every Individual.

Let me put it in general way...
the answers for all this will be

1.have a broken family
2.having a terrible first love and seek for the best.
3. or having a bad experience from a guy/ girl and wanted to take revenge by playing guys/girls heart.
4. Bored 
5. All my friends having boyfriend/ girlfriend so I do need one......
6. just wanted to have someone to listen to u.......

DOES having a boyfriend/ Girlfriend make you feel better... the answer will be YES! Short period of time but not for long term....

YOU WILL REGRET END OF THE DAY..........

Its okay to be alone and bored... rather than being alone later on.....

IT’S NOT WRONG HAVE A TRUE LOVE..... IT’S NOT WRONG FALLING IN LOVE BUT TRY TO STAY LONG IN A REALTIONSHIP.....TRY HARD, IF IT DOESNT WORK THEN U MIGHT GIVE UP.... BUT DONT HAVE A LOVE OR BOYFRIEND/ GIRLFRIEND FOR ALL THE SELFISH REASONS COS IT IS GOING TO EAT YOU BACK....

Just try to imagine what’s the point of doing all this..... will you be so happy like forever..... Why not you save all of these for the marriage life.........

jus imagine how good and pure it can be.........

IT IS SO BEAUTIFUL....

It’s okay of the past but after reading this post please try to think...only you can take care of yourself for your happiness not anyone else....THINK!

DONT RUSH IN CHOOSING A LIFE PARTNER......BEING ALONE HAS ITS OWN BEAUTY AS WAT YOU CAN FIND IN BEING RELATIONSHIP...ITS HOW U GOIN TO EMBRASSE IT....

Making a fast move is not the good idea (this is FROM my experience.... only end with horrible pain)........

I let u all learn from my mistake......... SO DO CHANGE URSELF...

YOU GOING TO LOOK BAD IN THE SOCIETY....

IT IS IMPORTANT.... :)

MESSAGE FOR TODAY DONE....

TAKE CARE!!!!!

Woh mile the... bichadne ke liye! - Part 1

Dear Friends,

Thank you all for your wonderful and encouraging comments on blog. I also appreciate those who raised concerns about revealing too much, washing my dirty linen in public and castigating lovers. Some are concerned I would miss out on my future wife… Lol. Don’t worry, she who is mine and when I find her, you’ll be the first to know.

 First of all, I must say I never ever think before I write any post. Maybe If I did, I wouldn't put all my emotions and would try to sugarcoat or embellish it to suit some particular set of people. This is one of the many traits I got from my past experiences...

I write on the spur of the moment, I’m an impulsive writer. I type directly on my blog and upload before I even have time to correct spelling errors and all. Whatever you read here is a raw, uncut version of my thoughts at a particular moment the reason isn't far-fetched. I'm an emotional guy. I think with my heart not my head and this has sometimes been a source of discomfort to me. Maybe if I took time to think, write, edit and all, I would be a better writer or a bad writer (who knows) that’s why it’s difficult to write for others because when it’s mechanical, nothing comes out...I'm brain dead.

I have written about everything from my first love, having an ex, being used as a rebound by a woman I loved. I don't leave out even the most embarrassing of details. Why? Because deep down in my heart, I know some lady or guy out there is going to learn from my experiences. Yeah, the original purpose of setting up this blog was to pen down my real life experiences, not write about others.

I actually got a few disheartening emails & read some interesting comments because of story. Surprisingly some came from the people who felt I was trying to instill unnecessary fear in-them, some called me a whore this or that… Lol. 

Gladly, I'm not one to be moved or affected by trivial threats or comic insults from the likes of some people. News Flash... I know who you are... I'll give you a much deserved introduction on this blog soon...hugs...

I leave such comments to show people that if celebs can be criticized and I let the comments fly, why should I set double standards by deleting negative comments about me? 

 Yes! I am like every other guy out there. I make my own mistakes and I'm not invincible. I know what it means to be in need of something and have it offered to you on a platter of gold...But I know where to draw the line and I don't have to prove it to anyone... That story was as real as it gets and my intentions were as pure as it gets.

 And while I am in no way discouraging people from taking that leap of fate, following your intuition, I just say implore caution and try to find out more about that person. Yes, we have killers, everywhere. Some of us are dating potential killers and don't know it yet, but it doesn't hurt to reduce your risk level to the barest minimum. The devil you know is still better than the angel you don't right? I’m just saying we should be careful, most importantly, follow your intuition...Listen to that little voice of reasoning.

  

I did not say she was wrong. I said my intuition told me something was wrong."She said it "IM SCARED OF YOU" and you having a weak heart, you could be a good man; you could just have had a change of heart and didn't think it wise to help me or see me again. Whatever the reason was, its inconsequential, that was 1 years ago.

Why I decided to write that story last night, I don't know. But I know everything happens for a reason. I know my story has saved some people. A lady had a change of heart about seeing someone who would have probably harmed her .God inspired me to write it.

So, If I've caused anyone discomfort by it, it wasn't my intention...but one thing is sure, my thoughts do run wild, so does my pen...I'm totally uncensored..Hell yeah...I didn't even think before writing this...

Story Begins….

Who knows where and when the consequences takes place in life, it was about 6 months ago. A very extraordinary personality took place in my heart.

It was 5^th Dec’12, I made a call to her (as a stranger) but it was not with a wrong intention. I had never seen her face before either. I was just looking for the candidates for my company. So she received my call. I don’t know what happened, her first conversation with me took my everything towards her. I just gave her a date for an interview. After few days of the first conversation she called me again … suddenly I heard a sweet smile with the word “Sorry!” Second time the smile of her made me loosing myself from I’m….

She explained all the reason of not coming for an interview but there was something else going on in my mind. I said her, “It’s ok!” Even though I didn’t have any reason to know about her personal life. But suddenly She question me…

“Sir! Are you from Punjab?”

This question made me strong to tell about my personal life and ask about her as well. On that day we even exchange our facebook Id.

And then she hung up the phone. After that conversation we start texting and chatting over the phone and facebook. We use to talk with each other as we know each other from so long.

I’m not an ordinary guy. I’ve learnt how to present myself infront of different different personalities. Very first conversation on the facebook, I was thinking as if I can flirt with her but the most interesting thing is I saw her being truer every time I use to chat with her.

One day she called me and asks me to meet her. The night before the day we met was one of the funniest night for me. And the funniest thing was…. I was thinking how I’m going to start my conversation when I’ll meet her, what I’m going to offer her at that restaurant? Should I propose her or?

Totally confessed and out of my mind….

8^th Dec’12, Time: 8:00pm 

I reached at her given address.

I met her in a restaurant “Zaika”. So we talked and talked. When she smiles I just can’t help it but to smile also. After an hour, we went to a garden where no one was around, with an ice cream in our hands. She kept on smiling, and so did I. She’s so sweet like an angel I use to see in my dreams. A li'l laugh, silly smiles, an awkward silence. I stared at her for couple of seconds. Then she said to me, “Please! Don’t look in such a way… I feel Ashamed”.

After some time, the moment came when I shook her hand and hugged her. It seemed I was losing something. My eyes were numb. I wanted to say to her something, BUT? At last, we said goodbye to each other.

2 days ago was like the best night of my life.

2 days ago I met this girl who made my heart turn into pieces and now I'm thinking I’ll never see her anymore.

A girl who made me fall in love just in couple of days.

Why, why, WHY? Why can't I stop thinking about her? I only saw her once. I don’t know what’s wrong with me... I have never really felt like this before with a stranger... But ever since that day, that moment, you're beautiful visage is the only thing floating up there in my mind.

Maybe this is just infatuation? I'm just going crazy?

I don't know, and...

I DON'T CARE…!!

I want to see her again.

I want to know more about her.

Does she even know what I feel about her?

I want to know what she really thinks about me? Because, at that moment, she was all that filled my senses.

If I could have one chance, just ONE CHANCE, I would give anything and express my inside feelings to her.

If miracles are true, PLEASE let one happen now! PLEASE!

Story doesn't end here......

To be continued……