What If I Die Tomorrow Morning?

Today morning, I started thinking various things as I was feeling quite terrible last night. I was feeling quite lonely and quite depressed. Yes, it happens with me still.

Things seemed to be going ok for awhile. Every time it really makes me think I have done wrong by being me... I can’t let anyone see how I feel for it worries them and they don’t know what to do... so I hide my feelings deep down inside and show my happy face to the world... nobody understands how I am feeling inside... I am lost and do not know how to find my way back... I wish I could make things better for my family and to whom I love... but  the things I'm dealing with right now scared me, I can't say and have to act brave. I am afraid what If again all those things going to happen…. I have truly lost it... I feel worse than just depressed right now and not thinking clearly about my options... I have spent my time thinking and thinking and I just can’t think anymore... I am stuck in a loop hole and I can’t break it.. Sighs... I can’t let anyone see me...

While thinking all this, one thought which stuck my head and made me think for 2 hours was- WHAT IF I DIE TOMORROW MORNING?

But what if the Tomorrow never comes? What about the promises I made to my love “Ferlyn” and myself never fulfilled them till I lived on Earth? What will I answer her and myself if there is a life after death? As I promised her I will be always be with you. I am just afraid. So, WHAT IF I DIE TOMORROW MORNING? I will always remain in guilt that I didn’t complete all those wishes of my Love and parents.

There are lots of secret I want to share with my mother. There is no doubt I adore her so much and she love me so much and wish I can tell her how much I love them. I have made some mistakes in my life. I feel like I should go and tell her before she comes to know from someone else. But WHAT IF I DIE TOMORROW MORNING? Those Secrets will always remain a Secret. 

I have my Love “Ferlyn” in my life with whom I want to spend my whole life. Because I know I will be happy with her. I want to marry her and I want her to be the most beautiful mother of my “Kashleen” . I want to tell her that how much I love her but can’t explain in words whenever she calls me or she meet me or she is sitting alone with me, my heart want to stop that moment there and then I think WHAT IF I DIE TOMORROW MORNING?

I have many of my friends who love me like anything. I want to tell them that they are one of the best things I experienced in my Life but I don't tell them because I feel that they will change after that. They'll start fingering their attitude towards me, they will start interacting like someone I got by luck and this will harm our relation. But, WHAT IF I DIE TOMORROW MORNING? I'll never get the chance to tell how important they were in my life. I'll never get the chance to tell them that they made my life special and worth living.

I have lots of dream to accomplish. I want to publish my own books and want to set up my own painting exhibition. I want to buy a house and want to name “Jannat” I want to work hard and harder. Want to earn lots of money and start my business (even though I don't have any knowledge and skill of business), want to complete every dream of my parents and my love “Ferlyn”.

But, WHAT IF I DIE TOMORROW MORNING?

I'll never get an experience of seeing a happy smile of My love “Ferlyn” when she going to launch her own song,, when she going to be Post Graduate. I'll never get a chance to set up my own business. I'll never get a chance to count the profits I'll earn through my business… 

And I'll never ever get the chance to say my love “Ferlyn” that, “I loved you since I met you, Today, because of you... what I learned from you; every choice I made was different and my life has completely changed... and I’ve learned that if you do that, then you’re living your life fully... it doesn’t matter if you have 5 minutes or 50 years. If not for today, if not for you I would never have known love at all... So thank you for being the person who taught me to love... and to be loved. And want to sorry her, if somehow I hurt her. I may not be there to hug you but my wishes are always with you. Somehow you will find me within you….

I LOVE YOU MY ANGEL “FERLYN”“

Here it is….

And I am really scared of thinking of life IF I DIE TOMORROW MORNING.