Why I blog?

This post and the comments have given me the thought of  two main things: Blogging the issue of privacy & personal space and love.

Let me just talk about blogging today and leave Love for another day.

I think I am a kind of reserve person. I don’t like to talk about myself; it makes me feel vulnerable and exposed. But I can easily write about myself, I am much more comfortable writing about feelings than talking about them. I do not discuss the things that I write even with my parents. I cannot talk about my thoughts and feelings unless they directly concern. I cannot talk about everything under the sun with my family, and best friend. But I can write about everything under the sun on this blog even though most of the people that read this blog know me personally, I have handed them the link myself.

What does that make me: an open book or a closed diary?

Wasn’t this supposed to be my secret garden? Didn't I want a quiet corner where I could just write without the fear of being judged? I am much more agreeable in person and do not come across as someone who will have views on anything forget strong views. That’s why I started this journey. So that I can just be myself, express myself freely without feeling like a social out caste or without offending anyone. I do not know where this journey will take me but I do want to eventually share the blog with everyone I know.

I do like it when people read this blog, love it when they comment. I know this is not my diary or a private journal. But at the same time I am not writing for anyone else but me. I am writing in part because, I want to save some of the stuff that I scribble and record some of events as they happen to be read by me from 10 to 15 years later from today. But I am not recording my whole life ‘as it happens’ here. So this is just an attempt to leave some memories for my parents if that happens.

*Digression*so all you good people out there who know me personally, if I die prematurely, it will be your responsibility to direct my family to this blog. Yes, my parents are sweet; but they have no interest in finding out what their son is writing everyday for the whole world to see. They think I am crazy and belong to some cult that they have no interest in joining. There is no way they will read down till this paragraph. *End of Digression*

So back to why I write, another reason for writing is, it’s therapeutic for me. I always feel very light after I have written something. Like when you eat too much and feel uneasy and don’t know what’s wrong. Then you throw up and all’s well again. Yeah I feel like that after writing. That’s why it’s almost 5:00 am and I am still writing, because I just have to, I won’t be able to sleep if I don’t.

All the above reasons are all very noble or at least reasonable. But I am human after all, an attention craving one at that. So I know there will be days when I will write just to keep this blog going. I will write just so that people stay interested. I hope those times are few and far between and I don’t write unless I really have something to say. And I hope I never talk about the person (hypothetical situation) I had a girl in my life who was mean, rude and obnoxious. I hope this blog does not become a place to talk about unsuspecting real people who just happened to interact with me. Unless they are really mean. Even then I hope I can get back to them right there, in real life and just write the whole story, not just my side of it.

Will I still be a reserve person? Yes, because I am not here to tell my own story, just to present the view through my eyes. I have a feeling that the deepest, darkest thoughts still won’t find a way here in their law. I am not here to bare it all. I am just here to save the money that I will otherwise have to spend on a shrink.

So the answer to the all important question that is on everyone’s mind now: will the whole world know each time I’m fighting against my Karma.

People, who thought I was “PMsing” when I wrote this, raise your hands!)